What Social Media Didn't Tell Me About Labor and Delivery

There's this social media phenomenon you might have noticed. The joyful pregnancy announcement, followed, seemingly in the blink of an eye, with photos of smiling mom snuggling her baby in a hospital bed. Where did the time go? The mom's face might look less made up—hair ever-so-slightly disheveled—but she's emanating joy, having fulfilled her reproductive potential and secured new pink-faced, scrunchy-eyed life purpose.

This was where my mind went as I dry-heaved in hospital triage at 4:00 in the morning. I'd just deep-breathed my way through four hours of active labor, but with the dreaded transitional contractions setting in, I was losing control. "I'm not going to get the epidural in time," I frantically told JJ. And then, in the middle of one of the most challenging stages of life-giving, I said it:

 "How do they all look so good after this?"

My friends, I had reached the information gap.

Before going on, I must confess: I am also guilty of the aforementioned before and after photos. Smiling me with bump on mountain. Smiling me gazing fondly on new squishy baby in matching onesie.

My alternative "after" pic. 

What my "after" picture doesn't tell you is that I hadn't slept in a night and a day. That I was on the verge of a deep sobbing session (and not the happy kind). That my sagging stomach suddenly made me feel like I had aged 60 years. That my body hurt in a new and foreign way. That I was terrified about getting through the night with this new, almost-nine-pound responsibility.

I felt love for my little guy and gratitude that he was safely here (and I, safely there). But joy? Not right then.

And I think that's ok. And I think it's...normal.

We all know about the "highlight reel" nature of social media. And I'm not proposing we start posting pictures of ourselves at our darkest and most disheveled (though what a revelation that would be, am I right?). But, having now put in the full nine months (and four days) of pregnancy plus delivery, I'm left vividly aware of exactly how many layers of reality are missing from our social feeds.

So, I'm working on giving myself a break. And I'm doing this other revelatory thing: talking to other moms about their experiences. Turns out it wasn't all sunshine for most people, but we've arrived in a stronger, wiser, tired-er place. And we're glad we're here.